SEXCUSES! 4 LIES THEY TOLD US ABOUT SEX AND WHY YOU SHOULDN’T FALL FOR ANY.

The teachers,experts, and some church leaders have lied to us for decades… about sex.

So painful…

Today, I’ve decided we should take a look at 4 of them and to debunk each.

Lies #1: Sex isn’t for the kids…

True, right?

Yes.

Except it’s not the whole truth.

How many times have you heard the so-called adults remind us that sex isn’t for kids. I bet it’s countless time.

Lie!

The real truth has been skillfully hidden in that statement. Grow up and you can have sex.

That only the adults who have reached maturity age and are responsible enough for the consequence are free to enjoy sex.

In other word, if I’m 25 and earning enough income, I’m free. How does that agree with the real truth?

The truth: Sex isn’t for all adults too.

First, we need to remind ourselves. Biblical emphasis on sex has nothing to do with age and responsibility. It has more to do with marital status.

1Cor 7:3 makes it clear that what qualifies you for sex is marriage, no matter how old – or young – you may be. So sex is only provided for in marriage, not constitution.

Lie #2: Sex is for married people.

I know I’m confusing you, let me explain.

Another distorted view of sex, it assumes marriage is a licence for sex.

Not the whole truth.

That’s why we see married people chasing after both married and unmarried people to fulfil their sexual urges.

Truth: Sex is for only the couple (two spouses) in a marriage.

Marriage only give you the right to sleep only with your own wife – the person you’re married to. Sleeping with another married – or unmarried – that isn’t your spouse is adultery. A sin.

“Drink water from your own well – share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone” (Pro 5:15,16 NLT).

Next!

Lie #3: Sex is limited to coitus or sexual intercourse only.

To say that sex means coitus is to limit it to the physical insertion of a male genitals into the female’s sexual organ – specifically, vaginal.

Ironically, this is contrary to the views of some professionals who view sex as a process rather than a single act.

I believe this lie was created as a blanket to cover up for most sexual aberrations.

For instance, where will it leave the lesbians and gays? Oral and anal sex? Where will it leave masturbation, phone sex and the rest?

Truth: Sex means more than coitus.

First, sex isn’t one single act, it’s a process that reaches a climax. And it doesn’t have to reach virginal-to-penis-penetration stage before it becomes sex.

Biblically, there are two reasons for sex – pleasure and procreation. But more people have sex for pleasure than the other reason. If you see it that way then you can understand why sex is a process.

Sex for pleasure starts from an arousal that climaxes in orgasm or ejaculation at the height of its pleasure.

Most people don’t need coitus to get to that level. That explains where the homosexuals seem not to care. Why people masturbate, do oral or anal sex to get that pleasure.

Why?

Sex isn’t about coitus alone – though that’s a major part.

Interestingly, Jesus taught us that this process actually begins from the heart.

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already commited adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:29).

In other word, you don’t need to get to the ‘downtown’ before you become an adulterer, or fornicator.
Got the point?

Everyone is doing it.

Um…well…it looks like this is true. Almost everyone is doing it. That is, if you consider the statistics that show 80% of single christians admits to having had sex before marriage.

Myles Collier has summarised this stats by saying “Young christians are having sex almost as regularly as their non-christian counterpart”.

True.

Even here, research shows young christians engage in romp of sex everyday, more than their muslim counterpart.

So almost everyone is doing it, right?

But that doesn’t make it everyone.

And even if everyone is doing it does that make it right?

Truth: Sex outside marriage remains wrong in God’s eyes, not by consensus.

Besides you are not everyone.

We need to remember that christianity is a personal race. We are individually responsible for our actions, and inaction. No wonder Paul asks us “not to be foolish but learn what the Lord wants you to do” (Eph 5:17).

Leviticus also command, “Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong” (Ex 23:2).

“Without reservation,” wrote Matt Costella. “The word of God explicitly forbid sexual activity outside the bounds of marriage, despite the fact that the society in which we live readily accepts fornication and immorality as ‘normal’ and even glorifies it”.

That’s right, Matt.

Well, those are the four ‘sexcuses’ are the top on my list. More are coming later.

Meanwhile, let me know if you have any ‘sexcuse’ you’ll like to debunk. Share with us, please.

Segun Dada is God’s Own Errand Boy, and Yours. He writes to relegate fluffy stuffs by promoting real Values.

What shall we do for our Sister (part 2): wall or door?

Songs of Solomon taught me that there might be at least two kinds of girls – the walls and the doors.

If you’re a wall as a single lady, it’s going to be difficult for any man to gain access to your inner treasure. And your virginity is intact.

Of course, you can gain access to a wall but that is, if you’re a criminal – a thief and a rapist. Aside that, a wall is secure, reliable and honourable.

But a door…

That can be open and close at will, especially by the person who has a key to that door. Some ladies would always helplessly open their legs to certain men because they seem to have their key. They can’t help it.

Though it varies, some doors were open once or twice in error while others seem to be permanently open to all a sundry – no key needed.

Question is…which one are you? Door? Or a wall?

Statistics has shown that the so-called unmarried christian singles are having sex as regularly as their non-christian counterpart.

Here in Nigeria,I discover, with all our unique sanctimonious attitude, our christian singles are having more sex than the muslims.

What a figure!

But that’s closer to the truth. Pre-marital sex is happening everyday and we only get to see it at pregnancy.

Somehow I believe this is due to certain misconceptions we have about sex. Many of them are lies. Let’s review a few.

Sex is for the adults, not for children.

That’s true,right? It’s a lie. Let me ask you a question, adulthood begins from what age? Did you say 18? So if am eighteen,though not married, does that mean I have licence to have sex? Think again.

The real truth? Sex is for two people who are married to each other. The licence there is marriage,not age.

If it feels right, it’s probably right.

This is one of the ways the mainstream media is not helping. What’s right and wrong is completely reduced to feelings. “Just follow your instinct,” they say. But there’s a way that seems good but the end thereof is destruction. Your instinct can be a highway to your extinct.

Love equals sex

How many times have you seen that in a movie? Countless, right? I’m sure you watched Titanic. Didn’t you see Jack and Rose? How many time did they have sex without figuring out marital issues first? It just happened, right?

It’s only in the movies. That’s why we’re having heartbreaking and heartbreakers all the time. Sex and love are two different things. For instance, call girl doesn’t need to love you before she can make your head swell with sex. It’s just her duty.

Sex is fun

Again, this is from movies too. You only need to watch pornographic movie once to start seeing sex as fun. No wonder, people use to say, ‘we had fun’ in those to mean they had sex.

Hello, did you call sex a fun?

Something that almost killed someone? Got her a bastard as a child? That made 13 year old raise two kids on her own without education? That gave another an incurable disease? A fun…? I don’t think so.

And it’s not your fault, the movie won’t show those unpleasant part.

It’s okay, if you’re protected

With what? Condom. I see. No wonder they no longer distribute free textbooks and writing materials anymore. What they distribute in schools now is condom.

But they need a special kind of condom for us christians. I might even use it myself if they can get me that type. The type that won’t only protect from sexual diseases and unwanted pregnancies but will also protect the heart from guilt. Yes, that one. A condom for the heart, can I get?

Here’s my closing word for the single ladies. Your virginity is still as priceless as your most valuable treasure, don’t let them devalue it. Guard it with all you’ve got. Even the devil still want to marry a virgin.

Besides it will safe you a lot of heartaches. Is it not better to stay a wall than being a door. And to the doors, thank God for his mercy. He can’t make you a virgin again but he can have mercy. We all need that.

See you later.

Segun Dada is God’s Own Errand Boy, and Yours. He writes to relegate fluffy stuffs by promoting real Values.

Adulthood is an Illusion…

When I was young I had one wish. That I were an adult. Most importantly, I wanted to be the dad. They seemed to enjoy everything from eating the biggest meat to being the ones that seemed to have all the money to spend.

Now that I’ve grown up to become what I’d always wanted to be, I made a new discovery. Adulthood is only an illusion. I wish I could be a baby now.

I know you’re having trouble understanding what I mean. Let me explain.

When I was young I didn’t have to know where the money was coming from. All I needed was food. And dad supplied that, without showing stress. I didn’t know what it took to be a dad until now.

But as I grew up I realised adulthood brought with it certain pretence. As an adult, much of the so-called childhood innocence has gone. Then I learn to say one thing while I actually mean the other. I learn to cover my tracks to protect my lies.

Not much different…

As children we were trained to ask adults any questions we couldn’t understand. The adults should know. Now I know better. They don’t have all the answers. But we believed them anyway.

Where I’m really going is this… There’s not much difference between these so-called adults and children in a sense. We are all children before our Creator. That’s because we all are accountable to him.

First, the scripture makes it clear to us that we don’t own ourselves. “You are the one who made us, an not we ourselves” (Ps 100:3).

That means every living creature and, of course, the human race is accountable to God if only for the reason that he owns us. We are not always allowed to do things anyhow we want it. God has a say in everything we do. But do we always know that?

I doubt if we do. Because much of what we learn today are rather teaching us to think otherwise. That we don’t need God to understand the universe. How true is that?

In fact, the idea that we don’t need the creator of the universe to understand his works is a bad idea. It also shows a level of childishness in our thinking. I find it funny.

God owns us. And we’ll forever need him for answers and clues that help us make sense of the world. Let’s stop pretending. If we keep believing that our existence is an accident, there’s no point trying to find any meaning in life. We won’t find any.

The irony of freedom and the place of truth…

Of course, I understand, that feeling comes from the desire to want to be free. To be absolutely independent of God. In fact, one of the reasons I wanted to be an adult was this air of freedom that seemed to be around them. But what I now learnt has changed all that.

Freedom creates the awareness of choices and every choice made has a resultant consequences. That’s it. Every action – or inaction – of everyman has a definite consequence. It has often been said that we are what we are today because of our choice yesterday.

True.

So now it’s clear. The adults aren’t really free. At least, they can’t do whatever they like. When they make bad decision they’ll definitely get burned with the consequence of their unwise decision.

Quality decision therefore is a product of quality and adequate information. Now I understand that it’s not just about making decision but making an informed decision that saves our destiny.

That calls in the Truth.

This is in line with the bible. In fact, the scripture abundantly makes it clear that truth is the only pathway to freedom. “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (Jh 8:32).

Unfortunately though, I observed that the adults too keep on making bad decision over and over again for lack of access to the truth. And that seems to get them entangled in chains of slavery and servitude. They desperately want out but they can’t.

The truth required for the purchase of their freedom seems to be elusive. Scarce. And is being horded by the slave masters who clearly don’t want them free.

Being aware that freedom is the ultimate goal of the adults,the main target of the enemy therefore is the truth. So he can spend his entire life fighting and attacking that truth. And part of his strategy include distortion, by creating what seems to be the truth but not the truth. Creating cheap and convenient truth in place of the original costly ones.

Yet in the ‘make-believe’ world of the adults real truth actually exist. It may be scarce, though, not unavailable. It’s costly, but not unobtainable. And it may not be popular either, but it’s truth. And it’s the only vehicle to a complete and total freedom.

Our goal, as adults, should be focused on getting it at all cost. Even at the cost of blood. We should just stop pretending or looking the other way like we use to do. We aren’t free yet. At least, till we get to the truth. And we can’t fake that.

In conclusion the scripture, recognising the truth scarcity, has rightly advised the freedom fighters and seekers to “buy the truth and sell it not” (Pro 23:23). It’s so that we can use it to obtain the real freedom desired.

That will definitely make us appear less phony to our children as we soon discover the real path to mature adulthood. One that’s certainly not an illusion.

Segun Dada is God’s Own Errand Boy, and Yours. He writes to relegate the fluffs by promoting real Values.